LONELY ABROAD
Do you dread small talk? You’re not alone. Many introverts, internationals, and busy expats find small talk awkward, repetitive, or just plain boring. But here’s the truth: small talk isn’t just a meaningless exchange—it’s the key to unlocking deeper, more meaningful connections.
What is small talk?
Small talk is a light and superficial conversation people use mainly when
getting to know each other. The aim is to build rapport by finding out more
about the other person, connecting and relating to each other.
Small talk is only the start, not the end. It’s the entrance we need to
go through to get to the more interesting and deeper conversations.
It’s the tax we pay to get what we want - deep connection.
Why do people hate small talk?
Even though most people dread small talk, it’s an important part of getting
to know someone for the first time. The reason many people don’t like
small talk is because it’s seen as repetetive, boring and superficial.
Not to mention the pressure that comes from trying to find the 'right' thing to say, the
awkward silences or the fear of running out of things to say.
But small talk doesn’t have to be annoying and weird. With the right
mindset shifts, techniques and conversation starters, it can actually be fun!
This blog post will help you to get good at small talk so you can actually start
enjoying it. Let’s go!
How to get good at small talk - 3 techniques to master small talk
There are 3 Techniques that I will be sharing with you in this blog post that will help you to get good at small talk.
The right mindset - the way you think about yourself, the other person and the situation matters.
The right topics - what you say and how you say it determines your success at small talk.
The right skills - learning and using communication skills is important.
The 1st technique - The right mindset
Your mindset influences everything - how you feel, what you do/ not do and the result you create. Mindset includes your thoughts (sentences in your brain) and your beliefs (often practised thoughts). When you believe ‘Small talk is awkward’ you’ll feel uncomfortable and your actions will prove you right - you’ll behave in a way that will make the small talk awkward.
The solution: Change your thoughts/ beliefs about yourself, others and small talk itself. Think about someone who is very good at small talk, what might they think? Write those thoughts down, find evidence for why they are true and practise them every day like you’d practise vocabulary for a new language.
The 2nd technique - the right topics
The topics you talk about during small talk are like the bread and butter of the small talk’s success. Most people find small talk boring because they talk about boring topics.
People are fed up with the usual chat of ‘What do you do for work?’.
The solution: Talk about topics that are easily relatable, engaging and different. Topics that make people want to talk to you more and that allow you to find out more about the other person, so you can connect further over what they share with you.
Pro tip: Scan your environment/ think about any existing connections and talk about those - e.g. yoga if you’re having a chat during a yoga class.
The 3rd technique - the right skills
Mastering small talk is not just about thinking the right thoughts and talking about the right topics - it’s also about mastering communication skills.
The solution: Evaluate your communication skills to find out which ones you’d need to improve. Learn all about these particular skills to find out what you’re supposed to do. Identify why you’re not doing it, get the roadblock out of the way and practise the skills as often as possible.
Examples of conversation skills are:
Active listening
Asking questions
Tone of voice
Facial expressions
You’ve got to get good at those skills to be able to master small talk.
How to get good at small talk with the best conversation starters
Small talk is so much easier when you have a good hook to start the conversation with.
Here are my favourites:
What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?
What movie has the best soundtrack?
Would you rather live in the ocean or in space?
If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
What have you always wanted that you have now?
What is your proudest achievement?
I ran out of shows to watch - what are your top 3 shows/ films?
If you’d have £1k, where would you spend it?
Who’s the person that makes you the happiest?
Which food could you eat over and over without getting fed up?
When you use those tips and apply those techniques, you will 100% get better at small talk. If you want 1:1 support to help you apply those techniques to your own life or if you struggle with implementing those techniques - I've got you!
Just book a free coaching session below and I will help you to get good at small talk.
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